Happy as could be, I was just rollin into town,
Not a worry in the world just two wheels on the ground
Didn’t say nuthin’, didn’t say a single word,
This ain’t the first strange town for this ol travelin’ bird
People were way too nice, sorta smilin’ like with pity,
Those long creepy looks made me feel kinda shitty.
This one old girl was a mouthy, loud beast,
Even yelled out the question, “Is that our Thanksgiving feast?”
Feathers really ruffled but I still didn’t say a word,
Just extend my left wing and gave the little bitch the bird.
As I got further into town the air began to thicken,
I even heard someone say, “Bet he’ll taste better than chicken!”
What the hell is going on, has everyone lost their mind?
This is the whole damn reason I left that last town behind!
I went a little farther but with a deeper feeling of dread,
This is beginning to feel like I’m on the Walking Dead!
All those big, white teeth and bulging eyes,
And way too many people staring at my thighs!
Why can’t they be happy just eatin’ some tasty muffins,
And stop looking at me for a place to put their stuffins’!
I ran away from Iowa and all the things I dreaded,
See my brothers and sisters being plucked and beheaded!
Then as if pluckin’ wasn’t enough for those specially chosen,
They wrapped em’ in fish net and they were fuckin’ frozen!
It’s all a blur to me, ridin’ this motorcycle I stole,
But I can tell you one thing, my ass is still whole!
People are starting to follow me with hatchets, knives, and pans,
These crazy bastards have way too much time on their hands.
Well, shit, looks like it’s time to blow this fuckin’ town,
Ain’t none of these sorry assholes gonna put this turkey down.
Rollin’ outa town, catchin’ up with some truckers,
Flippin’ off those town folks with a, “Happy Thanksgiving, Motherfuckers!”
Hope this gave ya’ a laugh my friend,
Happy Thanksgiving Motherfu…uh…Jamie!